Adventures in Arranged Matrimony: The "AM Date"

Adventures in Arranged Matrimony: The "AM Date"

Hi….I slept over this…and I don’t think we can make this work in the long run. All the best to you!” I pondered for a good ten seconds if I had to insert a smiley. Decided against it and hit the send button. She was online. And within a few seconds, the dreaded blue tick appeared. “Sure. All the best to you too!” she replied. I enlarged her DP for one last time, before deleting the number forever.

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“So….how is that you’re looking for AM?” She asked, as we settled down across a table in a café.

“AM?” I asked, not quite aware.

“I’m tired of calling it “Arranged Marriage”. So for me, it’s AM now!” she said casually. Wow! I understood I was in for a grinding “AM date”.

Not that I’d had many. And quite honestly, I wouldn’t prefer many. Like every guy trying to getting hitched through arranged marriage (yeah…quite a paradoxical phrase), I wished the war ended before I became a veteran. Some said it was basically “selling” yourself to the girl and her family - not that I was great at sales either.

“It’s an arrangement” she broke my chain of thoughts. “You look at if you and the girl are compatible on paper...and then proceed to meet a couple of times…..and may be take a while to decide…” Her hair was shorter than what I had seen - or imagined that I’d seen- on her matrimonial profile. I somehow preferred girls with longish hair.

“You could say “you and I” right….let’s make it more personal?” I said, trying subtly to flirt a little. I clearly wasn’t sitting there to “analyse” compatibility. You either felt a spark or didn’t. We stared at each other mutely for a couple of seconds. And then the inevitable happened. The waiter arrived. It’s amazing how Providence decides the course of action sometimes - or all the time.

The bigger problem I had to grapple now was what I could order. Being a filter coffee person, I was sitting here in a Café, choosing between Cappuccino and Latte. Not that I’d never been to a café. But I’d always had wiser friends to guide me. And I had to make sure I was sufficiently knowledgeable and a tad sophisticated this time around! I had a cursory glance at the Menu and ordered what I thought was vaguely familiar. She knew her choice pretty well. And thankfully, we agreed on fries - regular.

Once the waiter was out of earshot, we resumed our conversation again. The most interesting part of these conversations is that they are never direct. You are expected to talk about hundreds of random things and then magically - somewhere there is intuition that this might work. “I forgot my dabba today” she said, with a smile. Finally something personal. I felt better. “That has happened to me too…”.  “So don’t mind if eat a better share of those fries” she continued.  The conversation meandered along for a while. The agenda was pushed to the background and small talk took front stage. The waiter returned with our coffee and fries and arranged them on the table.  Both of us were momentarily distracted. It was evident that we were finding the coffee and fries more interesting.

“I know we are discussing arranged marriage. But I’d prefer to fall for the girl even in this case. I guess it is much better that way.” I said - voicing my views firmly for the first time that evening.

“Then why didn’t you love someone?” She asked me immediately, in between dipping the fries in the ketchup. It seemed the most obvious question. Yet answers weren’t obvious. “The tricky part is to get someone to love you back.” I wanted to say, but held back, considering it was our first conversation. I remained silent. The silence seemed to egg her on, surprisingly. “Ahaa….so you did love someone. Who was she? Where did you meet her?”  She asked, with almost a mischievous smile. The conversation was really heading along an unplanned trajectory.

I let out a false laugh and brushed it off. It was time for a break again. “So how is it you never take the Metro?.....” I asked her, attempting a distraction that thankfully worked.  I could sense myself perspiring a little. It was like being part of a sales call where the customer asks exactly those questions you don’t have an answer to!

We were sitting there for more than half hour now. I was still figuring how to frame my innumerable questions and expectations in a way that didn’t sound desperate and immature. On the contrary, she seemed quite well versed about how to steer these conversations. We continue to live in times where caste and horoscope still figure as the primary qualification criteria in arranged marriages, before the parents get into discussing the more practical aspects. With umpteen filters already in place, it is hard enough, getting a prospect to reach the meeting stage. Once this stage is reached, there is immense pressure to actually make things work and close the deal - with almost everybody in the social circle looking to get you married every alternate day. Yet here I was, jittery and confused, as she sat focused on her Cappuccino and the fries that seemed to be running out. I played my next card.

“Why did you choose to meet me in the first place?” I asked. This is my standard question to find out what a girl likes about me. It gives me a chance to know something positive about me and boosts my ego, obviously. Everyone likes to hear good things about themselves. “Well…you approached our family. And when I saw your profile…I thought I could just meet and figure things out! Had no expectations really.”  

This was entirely new perspective to me. When the conversation started, I was in the frame of mind that this would be one of the most important conversations of my life. I was excited at the prospect of meeting her. I was looking forward to this conversation for about a week. Yet, here she was - approaching the same meeting with overwhelming practicality.

About an hour into the date, we realized the conversation was running out of steam. We had emptied the fries long time ago, so there was nothing to distract us either. I’m sure we had our initial hunches if things would work out. The waiter must have noticed our silence too. He wandered close to our table one time too many to make sure we asked for the bill.

My confusions started again. Do I be chivalrous and offer to pay the entire bill? Or did women prefer to split the bill these days? These little things were tougher than the conversation itself. When she offered to split, I readily agreed.

We decided to walk together to the Metro Station.  During the walk, I decided to give it a shot. I told her the reason I had wanted to meet her was because of the way she had phrased her bio on the matrimony site. That I had really liked the way she said that she preferred someone who treats everyone equally irrespective of their background. “I really resonate with your opinion” I blurted.

She stopped. Looked at me for a couple of seconds with that mischievous smile I got earlier in the Café. “You clearly are a nube to this process, aren’t you?”  We continued walking. And just before we parted ways at the station she said “For all your emphasis on falling for a girl, just know that every marriage heads south after a few years!” the smile and that sense of reality never leaving her face. Clearly, we had different trains to catch!

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Disclaimer: Events dramatized for fiction!

                                                                                                            - 2nd April 2018