The Career Conundrum

                The Career Conundrum

I grew up with that coveted possession of every little kid in middle-class India- a plastic cricket bat. It was my grandpa's gift on a birthday. He was my first mentor and introduced me to cricket. I remember those days, as I graduated from a plastic bat to a wooden bat. Subsequently, from facing my grandpa's underarm bowling to facing overarm bowling.It was possibly my first passion in life. And would remain so for quite a few years, till my parents discovered that I was good at something more commonplace in our country and more socially acceptable-academics.

My cricketing ambitions went for a toss.Cricket practice with my grandpa was history as I learnt the alphabet,numbers,rhymes and what not! My teachers put a word in my parents' ears(and brains) that I was academically capable and as the saying goes "My fate was sealed." Gone was that sweating it out in the sun.

It was now sweating in front of the desk as I mugged Science, Maths, English and Kannada alike! Securing the first rank was supposed to be my sole purpose in life and anything less was frowned upon-at school and at home till....

A good academic record somehow meant I was good at everything else(I seriously can't explain how!).In middle school, our school music teacher was substituting the maths teacher for a class. He called me in front of the class and asked me to sing. I sang the first lines of a Kannada film song which was my favorite at that time. And lo! Everybody's plans for me changed in the next few months. "This boy has a gifted voice. Let him train in Carnatic music" was the verdict from school.And that meant more than an order at home. I was enrolled in a music class, which I attended two times a week. Surprisingly, second and third rank were now tolerated-as long as I practiced music regularly.( I also tried to develop an interest in drawing and dance so that upto tenth rank would be tolerated. But shamelessly discovered I didn't have an aptitude for those and stuck to music alone).Till...

Class 10 closed in. It was fever pitch at school and needless to say, at home as well. I was consistently securing second and third ranks and even managed to slip to fourth a couple of times. My teachers panicked and the shock waves were felt at home. I had to quit music. I couldn't let anybody else's name appear on the honors list in school. My father cut a 1 from the cardboard, painted it in red and hung it on my room wall.

I was supposed to stare at it whenever I felt a lack of motivation(I still feel that the repeated staring is what made me wear glasses today.)I studied hard.I couldn't let anyone down.For 3 months, it was a military regime. I was an epitome of discipline and punctuality.My parents monitored my study timings,meal breaks,leisure breaks..at one point I got so overawed by all the buzz about Boards that I remember monitoring my toilet breaks too! (No..my parents didn't insist on that! I promise! ) The Boards ended and the results were out. I missed the honors list by 3 marks. I remember it was because I wasted five precious minutes in my Maths paper trying to remember what Tony Greig had said about Tendulkar in Sharjah.(My parents and teachers don't know about this yet).

College brought out in me an other interest. It was a zeal I mistook for passion.I discovered accidentally I could act. Someone pointed it out to me when I mouthed two lines in a class role play( I think it was a girl, else I wouldn't have taken it that seriously.) Anyway, I started appearing at all theatre auditions in college from that day on. I knew I was never hero material- but turned out to be a useful support role. Ah! Those times I went on stage! There seemed to be something that told me I was meant for acting and nothing else..that I was to spend the rest of my life entertaining people...till....

Life got serious again. It was that big conundrum that we have unwittingly given the power to control our lives(atleast most of us!)-Class 12. Home turned a war-zone everyday with all of us debating whether it would be engineering or medical or something else for me. Also the insistence that I had to make it to the honors list atleast this time around.It was back to the same-old military regime that I was used to in Class 10.Only this time, it lasted a few more months. And along with the 1 on the wall, there were an ENGG and

MBBS placard on either side of it. I was to decide which one motivated me more to study and choose the other one as the career(Please don't ask me the reasoning behind this. I don't know!).Luckily, fate decided it for me this time. I was nowhere in the meritorious list for Medical and my parents decided it was too expensive an option otherwise. I was pushed into the engineering bandwagon-the dream of every middle class parent of our previous generation.I willingly allowed myself to be pushed,rather.

I was soon doing things that were on a different planet altogether-when compared to cricket,music or acting.

I was engrossed with frequencies,circuits,networks,programs and what not! When my lecturers squeaked in excitement at the real world ramifications of a theoretical concept-along with a few like-minded front benchers- the rest of us merely looked to understand what the source of all the excitement was. The system pushed us for 4 years and basic aptitude for learning saw us through engineering. I was never really keen on appreciating something as mundane as a transistor(though it has revolutionised our lives) in those four years....till...

A friend of mine went abroad to do his MS. It opened a new line of thought. Now was 'it' MS or abroad is a question I couldn't answer even to myself. All I knew was that the engineering concepts that I had kept at two arms' length suddenly became very close to me. I was googling universities, looking up courses and through sheer self-motivation put myself under a military regime for the entrance exams, with the placard now reading 'MS'( I could see a U in M's place at times too..). My future was all set...I dreamed flying across the oceans like the Hanumantha of Ramayana..and bringing the Sanjeevini called knowledge to our country....till...

I read about something called B-Schools and MBA. I could see stylish young boys and girls dressed in blazers in every page of the newspaper-what with each institution promising to groom leaders out of all and sundry. "Management education means you can become a manager straightaway! No slogging through the junior grade.."said one of my cousins who had graduated out of a B-School recently. What a wonderful idea! He also told me that he got a good salary right away. "Why not an MBA??" was the new question I began to consider...

I noticed I still had impulses when I wanted to become a cricketer, a singer, an actor, an engineer..and now the new idea of becoming a manager. Phew! The time had come to decide what I wanted to do with my life-or what I didn't want to do.

I chose a day when no one was at home. I bathed in cold water. I sat in front of Goddess Saraswathi and prayed sincerely for 15 minutes(I knew only one sloka that I repeated 150 times). After prostrating before her two times, I took a sheet of paper and made five chits. On each, I wrote one option-Cricketer, Singer,Actor,Engineer,Manager. I folded them neatly and placed it in front of the Goddess and prayed for an other 15 minutes. The moment had arrived. The chit I  would pick would be my destiny. I was firm that I wouldn't allow anyone else to decide for me.I took a deep breath-closed my eyes and prayed to the Goddess once more-opened my eyes-uttered her name again-picked up a chit-prayed to the Goddess again-closed my eyes-opened the chit-prayed to her and opened my eyes and.........

The chit was blank.......

This is inspired by stuff I've seen,heard and of course experienced, with an ever so liberal dose of imagination. Hope you connect with it!


                                                                                    -22nd January 2013