Here We Meet Again.....
We made eye contact from across multiple queues for the numerous check-in counters. We tried to look away, but the awkward familiarity along with obvious curiosity meant we searched for each other's eyes again. It was definitely her. The hair slightly shorter, her face a little more round. The effortless smile that she could never hide was still playing on her lips. I knew it wasn't for me. It's just that the smile was always there. Our eyes finally met in a more deliberate way for a moment longer than usual. We recognized each other - and chose to ignore each other as we joined our respective queues.
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I rushed to the car park at five thirty sharp every evening. It was a common one that belonged to multiple companies at the tech park. At twenty one, I had just started working. A car was beyond me. But the car park was where I'd noticed her the first time, a couple of weeks earlier. As she walked out of the car park, her loose hair resting gracefully on her shoulders. From that day on, I made it to the car park with earnestness bordering on sincerity, hoping to get a glimpse of her every evening.
It was easy to figure out we didn't work in the same company. And once that possibility was out the way, my life purpose was to find out where she did. Somehow, it seemed any little detail about her would draw her closer and more forces in the Universe would be set in motion to bring us together.
Every evening, my spirits rose as she walked to the car park, always with the same friend and at the same time. And when she drove out a few minutes later, my heart sank, along with the setting sun.
*************
A corridor discussion with my manager cost me ten extra minutes that evening. I rushed out of the office and ran to the car park, panting for breath. Had she left for the day already? For some reason, I was suddenly conscious of other people in the car park staring at me. Was it the effort with which I'd arrived there? Or had it always been the case? It made me nervous. But then, the twenty-one-year-old in me brushed it aside and waited for her, like always.
And there she was! In her car, driving past gracefully like every evening. For some reason, I'd attributed the adjective "grace" to her. Everything she did appeared graceful - either that or my vocabulary was rather dull.
As I watched her that day, for some reason her car seemed to slow down. My palms started sweating. I wasn't prepared for this. What if she stopped in front me and asked who I was and what in the world was I doing? I wanted to move, but my feet froze. She slowed down, and gave me a long stare. I was sure it didn't mean anger. Nor irritation. If anything, it was curiosity. Her car passed. And after a couple of seconds, I could notice her still staring at me through the mirror. Her face didn't assume the scowl I feared it would. Instead she smiled. A smile -that I didn't know at the time- she always wore on her face.
My heart skipped a beat.
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My heart skipped a beat, even after ten long years. When your heart skips a beat in your teens, you ignore - it happens more often than not when you see someone attractive. When your heart skips a beat in your twenties, you start feeling she might be the one. But, when your heart skips a beat in the thirties, beware. It could just be a symptom of anxiety.
We cleared security at the same time. We looked at each other. I smiled first and acknowledged her presence. She didn't have to. The smile was always there. With the acknowledgement out of the way, I thought the encounter was done and dusted. I rushed past her, without wanting to give her a chance for conversation. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see that she was still looking at me. But I was headed on a holiday, and an uncomfortable conversation just wasn't part of the itinerary. I headed to the departure gate and buried my nose in a newspaper. The coincidence - a part of me hoped - ended there. And ofcourse, there was another part of me!
********************************************
Something had to happen, the next day. She had noticed me. There was no escaping it now. I didn't want to be someone perennially staring at her at the car park. My intent was way bigger. I brooded the entire day, trying to figure out a way I could strike a conversation with her, without coming across as obnoxious. The easiest way and the only way was to be direct.
I gulped a good filter coffee before walking to the car park, hoping the caffeine would help keep my wits about me. The normal evening, seemed momentous for me. I didn't remember being this nervous in a long time. I reached the car park and looked at my watch. She would be there any moment. I prayed that my courage didn't give way.
There she was, walking to the car park with her friend. Did she have a spring in her stride that evening? Did her smile have that extra allure? Were her eyes searching for someone -perhaps, yours truly?Let's face it. The last one definitely wasn't the case.
I took a deep breath and took the plunge. I walked till I was by her side, smiled nervously and said "Hi!". She looked at me. And then there was this eternity during which the mind developed and discarded multiple scenarios which typically convinced me that this was a huge mistake. Yet, the twenty-one year old in me stood his ground.
"Hello...how are you?" she replied, coolly. Her smile at the time bordered on mischievous. Her friend started walking ahead of us, within striking distance to overhear but giving us that element of privacy.
Needless to say, my levels of optimism hadn't envisaged a polite conversation. I was caught off guard. Thankfully, I recovered in time.
"I'm good. How have you been?" I asked, trying to get my confidence back.
"All well. So where do you work?"
.
.
.
.
The conversation meandered in closed questions. We strolled to her car, where her friend was already waiting. True to Einstein's relativity, the walk had ended too soon.
" I didn't get your name though.." I asked, still processing the last couple of minutes that I'd relive for a long time.
"Oh...I'm _____" she said and held out her hand.
"____ here" I replied, taking her outstretched hand. I'd remember the silken touch for a long time.
"See you around, _____" she smiled as she got into her car. And for once, I felt the smile was meant for me.
******************************************
I folded the newspaper and kept it aside. There she was, sitting on the opposite chair. She smiled - and once again, I felt the smile was meant for me.
I threw my hands up in the air. "This can't be true..." I exclaimed. "We're travelling on the same flight...not having been in touch for ten years now..."
"It does surprise me....but...here we go..." she admitted.
"I was half-hoping that we were not on the same flight...I'm on a holiday...you see" I said, meekly. May be I still reeked of the disappointment from all those years ago. She was smart enough to notice it. She took the barb sportively.
"Which means...you were also half-hoping that we are on the same flight....and let's see...your wish has been granted..." the mischief that I'd known ever so slightly at the car park all those years ago still seemed alive. My heart skipped a beat, again. Anxiety I told myself. Again.
Inevitably, a sweet voice on the microphone interrupted the conversation. We joined the queue for boarding, exchanging notes on our upcoming trip. It turned out that she was visiting her relatives. Both of us knew this was small talk. We were tacitly hoping for another roll of the dice.
***************
It seemed quite normal, given the string of coincidences through the day. We had been allotted the same row. There was an old woman occupying the middle seat as she took the window and I took the aisle.
"Is this your friend from the car park, who's grown old too soon?" I said softly, as we took our seats on either side of the old woman.
She didn't respond. She stared out of the window, as though in deep thought. Her face assumed a seriousness that I'd never associated with her. She suddenly seemed oblivious to my presence. I greeted the old woman for courtesy and decided to focus on the air safety manual and the air hostess who atleast seemed keen to ensure I landed safely at my destination.
The flight took off. The old woman who seemed nervous during the take-off now appeared relaxed. The woman next to her still seemed lost. "Life and its Surprises" - would be the title of my next blog post, I ruminated.There was plenty of content for that since morning. I closed my eyes and rested.
A few minutes later, I could hear her speaking to the old woman.
" Aunty...would it be ok if you could exchange seats with the gentleman next to you? We are old friends and would want to catch up." she was asking, not once looking at me.
"Sure, why not?" the woman obliged readily. I smiled at her and we exchanged seats.
She was still looking outside the window. The clouds were beautiful.
"Well, you'd wanted to go on a drive, sitting next to me. A slight change in plan. We are on a flight. But I'm still next to you. Does this work?" She still wasn't looking at me.
My heart skipped a beat, again. Was it anxiety anymore?
*****************************************************
Over the next few weeks, we added slowly to our string of greetings and conversations. I would rush to the car park at the usual time every day. On some days, I just greeted her from a distance - pretending to be busy on a phone call. There were days when I would walk her to her car, making small talk about work. She probably figured that I didn't have a car and that my sole reason for hanging around at the car park was to meet her.
I wasn't able to decide what to do next. Should I confess my liking for her out of the blue, with a caveat that she wasn't expected to respond? (What would be the whole point of the confession?) Should I ask her out? (And face the wrath of rejection?) Or should I just maintain status quo, content with greeting her and the occasional walk to an underground car park? (Business school would teach me in later years that status quo was the worst scenario to be in). I decided to make my move.
I waited at the car park that evening. She came there, albeit some minutes later than usual. She carried a gift someone had presented her. Her friend wasn't around. Was that a sign of good luck?
"You seem to be popular!" I said cheerfully, looking at the gift.
"Am I not, now? Specially when people wait at a car park to meet me?" She said, smiling.
"Well, that may have nothing to do with your popularity..." I said, surprising even myself with the candor.
"What is it then...?" she asked, looking straight into my eyes. We had reached her car. Walking this conversation would have been a lot easier. I fumbled and looked around. She knew she'd put me in a spot and was enjoying my predicament. It was now or never.
"Could we go on a drive in your car?" I asked at last, making a tacit admission that I wanted to spend more time with her. For a fleeting moment, I saw both surprise and disappointment on her face. Months later, I would still try to decipher the reason for that disappointment.
"Well...we'll see....Bye for now,______"she said, as she got into the car and drove out of the car park. I had no choice but to wait for an answer.
I waited. And I waited. The next day. The day after. The next week. The week after. Everyday, I made that walk to the car park. I waited till the sunset. But she was nowhere to be seen. I checked her parking bay too, a few times. Someone else's car was parked now. Was it a shift change? Did she work in the evenings now? Or was it early mornings? Or had she quit?
After a few weeks, I spotted her friend at the bus stop. She recognized me. We'd never talked before. I didn't bother to greet or make introductions.
"Is ________ not coming to work anymore?" I asked.
" She quit last month....surely, you'd have figured that by now?" she said, almost smiling at my stupidity that I tried to mask as optimism.
**************************************************
"For some reason, I continued to wait at the car park, even after your friend told me you had quit. You'd become a part of my routine" I said. It was my chance to attempt closure.
"Hmm...she did tell me about it, though long after" she revealed. I was taken aback. It would have been better if she hadn't admitted it.
"I searched your profile on Facebook as well...for quite sometime after that..."
"You wouldn't have found it...because it doesn't exist" she said, in a matter-of-fact tone.
"But why? Why didn't you tell me that it was your last day? It was as simple as that..." I asked, a slight anger in my voice, even after all these years.
"Well..what would you have done? Would you have asked me out..? I doubt that....all you managed in weeks...was to ask me if we could go on a drive. And that too on my last day in that place. I didn't know if you were confident about me....and quite frankly...I didn't know if you were confident about yourself...."
Her words, I had to admit, had a ring of truth. A diffident, nervous twenty-one year old, all I ever did was try to get her attention. But once I got that, I was clueless. How would I take it forward, was a mystery I'd never been able to solve.
"I felt...somethings were never meant to be said out aloud..." I tried to defend myself, meekly.
"In that case...I'm sorry to burst your bubble..there were guys who were confident enough to tell me that they liked me." She paused. I wasn't sure if she was being rude or truthful - or both.
"I genuinely wanted you to ask me just once.....but you never did." I could sense the emotion in her voice.
We lapsed into silence. For a while, there was turbulence outside and inside. I probably got my closure - but I started feeling I'd have done better without it. All these years, I'd made peace with the fact that she never took my attention seriously. Eventually, it turned that I had only myself to blame.
If the old woman was listening to us, she didn't come back with any sagacious advice. The air-hostess started serving snacks. She paused at our row and held them out for us. We both reached out and our arms brushed against each other. The silken touch transported me to the day we first shook hands. For a moment, I felt twenty-one again.
We finished our snacks in comfortable silence. The pilot announced landing. as though he was giving us a deadline.
"Are you still single?" I asked, slightly more confident than the last time.
"Well..I'm not "still" single. But I'm single right now" she said with a mischievous smile. I could notice her going slightly red.
The flight was gaining speed. We were hurtling downwards. We took a moment to fasten our seat-belts. The old woman was now her nervous self. All three of us in that row were nervous right now.
"May I have your number?" I asked, taking a second step. She showed mock anger, grabbed my phone and fed her number in it.
"Crew to stations for landing" cackled the pilot over radio. She was now looking at me, waiting for the question I'd failed to ask all those years ago. For some reason, after ten years of longing, business school, treks with strangers and meetings with Vice-Presidents, I still found myself scraping the depths for that ounce of courage to pop the question. I settled for something typical.
"If I ever want to ask you out, can I call you on this number?" I asked, trying to sound witty, but sounding sheepish, stupid and clueless all over again.
It was her turn to throw her arms up in exasperation.
"I now know why you want to leave certain things unsaid......because you don't know how to say it" she exclaimed. "And for the record, if you were to ask me out, the answer would be yes" she blurted and started looking out of the window, blushing and determined to avoid eye-contact.
I felt relief wash all over me. We'd touched down and were speeding along the runway. As the rest of the passengers got busy to deplane, I chose to close my eyes, sit back and record the moment in the journal that forever kept running in my mind. "Life and its surprises" did have a pleasant ending, after all.
The plane came to a halt. My eyes were still closed. I felt a hand ruffling my hair with genuine affection. Bygones were bygones. It was the start of something new. And she ruffling my hair was a perfect start.
I opened my eyes to look at her. She was still staring out of the window, lost in thought. The hand ruffling my hair had been the old woman's. The jitters of landing out of the way, she seemed rather relaxed. She smiled at me and said "Be sure of yourself, my boy. You can do it." She then lowered her voice "She loves you...don't let her go again". She winked and deplaned.
She was still looking out of the window. Probably recording the moment in her own journal. I looked at her. She was beautiful, as ever. My heart skipped a beat.
A journey had just ended. A journey had just begun....
- 23rd December 2021.
